A Time to Cry, A Time to Laugh
by Ronda Sexton
Summary: Tom and Kathyrn are miserable apart from each other. A sequel to Betrayal's Sting. JP


  
Title: A Time To Cry, A Time To Laugh  
Author: Ronda Sexton  
Series: Voyager--AU  
Code: J/P  
Sequel To: Betrayal's Sting  
Rating: PG 13  
  
Summary: A look at how Tom and Kathryn cope after Tom breaks off their  
relationship due to the events in 30 Days.  
  
A Time To Cry, A Time To Laugh  
  
Tom Paris sat in a quiet corner of Sandrines nursing his drink.  
Tonight, he  
had found out how many friends he had. So many people had come to  
Sandrines  
tonight to see him, and let him know that he had their support. This  
helped  
him a little, but did nothing to fill the empty spot in his heart. The  
spot  
that had once been filled with a deep love for Kathryn......Captain  
Janeway,  
he mentally corrected himself.  
  
Setting his empty glass on the table, he ordered the computer to shut  
down  
the program and left for his quarters. The corridors were empty at this  
late  
hour. In a way, that pleased Tom. He had appreciated the outpouring of  
support that the crew had given him, but now he just wanted to be alone  
with  
his thoughts.  
  
He paused a second before entering his access code to gain entry to his  
quarters. He knew they would be empty. As he walked inside, loneliness  
  
flooded his soul. There was no warm greeting, no soft arms embracing  
him, no  
velvety lips brushing his. Cold silence welcomed him home.  
  
He hurried to the sleeping area, stripping off his uniform as he went.  
He  
sat heavily down on the bed, staring morosely at the trail of clothing  
he'd  
left behind him. Deciding he'd pick all of the discarded clothing in  
the  
morning as he usually did.... A surge of fiery anger shot through  
him as  
a memory sprang unbidden to his mind. He leaped to his feet and quickly  
  
gathered his clothing and stuffed them into the cleaning processor. He  
sighed and flopped down on the bed once more. Many a time he and  
Kathyrn had  
left clothes on the floor in their haste to make love. With a weary  
sigh he  
sadly crept under the covers to try to sleep. He could only hope the  
horrific nightmares had been left behind in the brig....  
  
In another set of quarters, Kathryn Janeway bolted up to a sitting  
position.  
The same nightmare that had plagued on a nightly basis since she had  
sentenced  
Tom woke her once more. She was shaking, tears streamed down her  
cheeks, and  
her gown was drenched with sweat. Before, on the rare occasion that she  
had a  
nightmare, Tom had often been there to comfort her. She stared at the  
empty  
space beside her on the bed. Tom would not be there anymore. The words  
from  
his message on the PADD rang in her mind with clarity.  
  
It is over. I have returned your belongings and taken mine back to  
my quarters. I could never trust you with my heart again.  
  
He had seemed to understand her actions on the day she reduced him in  
rank and  
sentenced him to 30 days of solitary confinement. She had been so angry  
with  
him for forcing her to do the things she had that day. He had  
undermined her  
authority. He had disobeyed her direct orders. She did not have any  
choice  
other than to discipline him.  
  
Finally, her trembling stopped. She walked over to the closet and got a  
fresh  
gown to replace the sweat soaked one. After quickly changing, she  
returned to  
her bed. She turned away from the empty spot beside her and drifted  
into a  
troubled sleep.  
  
Tom thrashed wildly on his bed as the horrors of the nightmare played  
out  
again. He sat upright with a scream. Gasping for air, he opened his  
eyes and  
saw he was safe in his quarters. The nightmares about the torpedo  
hitting  
the Delta Flyer had plagued him nightly along with nightmares about his  
father. Adm. Owen Paris had a near perfect public image, however his  
image  
in private life was very different. Tom's childhood had been one of  
repeated  
verbal and emotional abuse by his father.  
  
Tom willed himself to calm down. In the brig, his screams had so  
disturbed  
the guards, that the Doctor was summoned to sedate him. After a time,  
he  
begged the sedation be stopped for it prevented him from waking up from  
his  
nightmares. When the Doctor approached the Captain about solitary  
confinement  
in his quarters instead of the brig, with the theory that familiar  
surroundings could help lessen Tom's nightmares, she had flatly refused  
the  
request. At long last, Tom calmed himself enough to sleep once more.  
  
The next morning at the briefing, Tom sat as far away from the Captain  
as  
possible. He was quiet during the meeting, only speaking when spoken  
to.  
The rest of the Senior Staff felt the palatable tension in the air and  
were  
extremely uncomfortable. It was a relief to everyone when the meeting  
was  
over.  
  
On the bridge, Tom followed every order without delay. He responded to  
commands with short, polite acknowledgments. The sparkle had been so  
prevalent a month ago was gone. Instead a sober demeanor ruled his  
reactions. Chakotay watched Tom and Kathyrn carefully. They were both  
suffering. Word had gone around the ship like wildfire that Tom had  
ended  
their relationship. He could only hope that they would eventually  
recover  
from their sorrows, and return to their usual happy dispositions.  
  
Days went by, and Tom and Kathryn remained unhappy. Something would  
have to  
be done. He and Tom had come to respect each other, perhaps it would be  
best  
to approach Tom. He approached Tom, who was sitting alone in Sandrines.  
  
"Mind if I join you, Tom?" asked Chakotay softly.  
  
"Pull up a chair, Chakotay." he answered in a quiet tone.  
  
"Tom, we've all been worried about you and the Captain. You're both so  
unhappy. Is there anything I can do to help?" asked Chakotay.  
  
Tom shrugged. His blue eyes were dull and listless. "I don't know if  
anything could help Chakotay. The Captain sure forgot her broken heart  
in a hurry. You saw how she took up with Kashyk. That bastard used her to  
try to get to the telepaths." Fiery anger flared in Tom's eyes. It had been  
so hard to watch Kathryn with that bastard.  
  
After hearing Tom's statement and observing his body language, Chakotay  
realized he was right. Tom still did love the Captain. His jealousy  
over Janeway's attentions and fling with Kashyk spoke volumes.  
  
"Tom," he began cautiously. "My people take vision quests with spirit  
guides  
to help us with troublesome events in our lives. I could show you how  
do  
take a vision quest."  
  
Tom stared at the Commander, realizing that he was willing to share a  
deeply  
personal thing with him. Right now, between the nightmares and his deep  
  
sorrow, he was ready to try anything that could possibly help him.  
  
"I would like that, Commander. When can we start?" asked Tom, who was  
feeling somewhat hopeful.  
  
"If you can come to my quarters now, I can help you get started."  
Chakotay rose from his chair and Tom did likewise.  
  
They make the trip to Chakotay's quarters in silence. Once inside,  
Chakotay  
took his medicine bundle and indicated Tom should sit across from him on  
the  
floor. Tom watched in respectful silence as Chakotay opened the bundle  
and  
explained the significance of each item. He continued listening as  
Chakotay  
explained to him how to proceed as Chakotay started the ritual for him.  
  
Tom found himself in a forest. As he had been instructed by Chakotay, he  
refrained from speaking aloud as he searched around the forest.  
Suddenly an  
he became aware of an eagle perched on a rock in the clearing. The  
eagle  
cocked her head and stared at him. He realized this was his spirit  
guide.  
  
"I have many questions to ask of you," said Tom softly.  
  
The eagle cocked her head again. "You may proceed, little one." The  
eagle  
answered him.  
  
"What should I do? I am so unhappy. I did what I thought was right,  
and  
could have been killed for my efforts."  
  
The eagle ruffled her feathers. "Do you think you are the only one who  
suffers from this? Come with me and see another whose suffering is far  
greater than your own. The location changed and he found that they were  
now in the Captain's quarters.  
  
"Are we really here?" he asked quietly.  
  
"These are but shadows of things that are. She is dreaming, let us see  
her  
dream."  
  
Tom suddenly found himself observing the Captain's dream along with the  
eagle. He saw her, watching the screen in horror as the Delta Flyer blew  
up.  
Then he saw himself horribly burned and battered, demanding answers from  
the  
Captain who was sitting in her quarters now.  
  
"Why did you kill me, Kathryn? I thought you loved me." The specter's  
eyes  
glared at her accusingly. "You killed me!! I was doing what was right,  
and  
you killed me."  
  
Kathryn Janeway wept bitterly. She offered no defense. The specter  
moved  
closer to her. It's arms reaching out to take her. There was anger in  
its  
eyes. Kathryn screamed out, "I'm sorry, Tom. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.  
I  
love you so much. I love you and I miss you terribly."  
  
Suddenly, he found himself staring at Chakotay. He started briefly,  
then asked, "How long was I on the quest?"  
  
"About an hour, Tom," answered Chakotay.  
  
He reached over and grasped Chakotay's hand. "Thank you, Chakotay, my  
spirit guide has shown me many things, and I know what I need to do now."  
  
Chakotay nodded, and Tom stood and left the room quickly. Without  
hesitation, he hurried to Kathryn's quarters.  
  
He pressed the announcer to request entry. He could hear muffled  
screams  
coming from within. Deciding to risk earning the Captain's anger, he  
entered  
the access code and walked to the sleeping area while she tossed in the  
throes of a nightmare. He knew what the nightmare was, and hurried to  
the  
bed to awaken her from the horrors plaguing her in the dream.  
  
Sitting on the bed beside her, he gently shook her. "Wake up, Kathryn,  
it's only a bad dream."  
  
She jerked awake with a start. She jumped when she saw Tom sitting by  
her on  
the bed.  
  
"Shhh, it's all right."  
  
She stared at him in wordless shock. He was here in her quarters.  
  
He pulled her still trembling body into his arms. Tears were stinging  
his eyes. "I'm so sorry, Kathryn. I hurt you deeply."  
  
They both shuddered with the force of their sobbing. They held each  
other and  
cried for a long time.  
  
Finally, Tom cupped her face in his hands. "Can you find it in your  
heart to  
forgive me for being such an idiot and breaking up with you?" he  
whispered  
softly.  
  
She nodded, not trusting herself to speak without crying again.  
  
He drew her lips to his and kissed her. The kiss was tender and  
comforting at  
first, but grew stronger and more passionate.  
  
"Oh, Tom," she breathed softly. "Make love to me. Please, I need  
reassurance  
that this is real and not a dream."  
  
"It's real, Kathryn," he assured her as he lowered her down on the bed  
with a  
soft laugh. She smiled and laughed along with him just before his lips  
claimed hers once more. They were together again. They had weathered  
the  
worse storm of their relationship. What had begun in tears, ended in  
love and laughter.  
  
THE END  



End file.
